Stephen Im dying…. But I love you very much! Hearing a broken sentence as those words were said, it filtered through my mind at the surreal thought of the truth of what she just said. She died on my birthday and those were the last words I heard her speak. Who wants to live forever as the sadness of leaving your memories behind and not knowing what your next chapter shall be after you have that last breath. It’s a crazy thought to think your first and last breath will always be the beginning and end of life. I would never be able to tell you what is going on through one’s head while they laying there as every beat of their heart, beats a slower beat. The thought that you are going to die must be either terrifying or humbling, knowing that you lived a good life, but maybe it’s the mix of both. I would like to think that you think of your happiest point in your life, whatever that might be.

My gran Hanna Friedman has lived a life that was built around… How can I put it LIFE! At the young age of 94 you can only imagine the things she has seen and done. Not many people can say that they have even come close to see the world change as much as my gran. Coming from Latvia to South Africa as World War 2 made many people from her generation run for the lives and find new starts in the world that we live in. She ended up on the furthest tip of Africa, not knowing much about it, it was far enough from the war saving her life and starting a chapter that would be called... Home take 2.

 She has always been a proud woman, always dressed in her finest and looked as she was going to visit the queen at any point during the day, the term Lady comes to mind to describe my gran as if she went to the finest finishing school for young woman. As she said a lady who doesn’t wear lipstick looks like death warmed up. A family that eats together stays together, as she felt that sitting down for breakfast, lunch and dinner was the reason why she was happily married. She travelled the world and gathered many amazing stories that she use to always tell us how things use to be better back then, since simple is the cure to many thing we do. Her stories set off our imagination of what I can say made us want to live even half the amazing life that she lived and we will always have those stories of her adventures and compare them one day to or adventures we set out to do. But all of the above really stands for one thing that kept her going, apart from her humour, pride and being the woman that she is. She was driven by one thing and that will always be family.

Finding myself writing about her I find that its really hard to describe a lady that has made me realize that whatever you do in your life make a family and be proud of it no matter what, the bigger the family the better. The saying goes you can never choose your family, but if I could choose a grandparent she will always be picked no matter what. She had a good soul and a good heart. Thinking back of the times she made me laugh and the times she took my mind on adventures with her amazing stories. She will always be someone I will never forget and having the blood line of a proud Latvian woman running through my veins will always make me think back of what I can only describe as a saint of her generation and her soul will always live on through the family she created.

I said earlier when you lying on your back as your heart beat weakens you think back to your happy place… If I know my gran and could maybe describe a point in time when she could be the happiest. It would be a fine summer’s day, as she sits in her red chair next to her husband in the lounge while he reads the newspaper; She lets her legs face the warm rays of the sun as they beam through the open sliding door. As a cool breeze fills the room as it releases the smells from the biscuits and cakes baking in the oven in the kitchen she is so proud of. Her 2 sons are playing out in front with the dog. She takes a minute and smells the air and looks around and realises that her family is and will always be her happy place.

Thank you for always being there for me and for believing in me. So its not good bye its till we meet again. Enjoy your next chapter and adventure. Love you gran.         

So another year has ended and 2012 has now begun. Don’t you find that when you are a kid the days always seemed longer? Im almost 26 and to be honest its freaking me out because my days are seeming so much shorter, and I don’t know why. I have a big year ahead of me with my show coming to TV and my radio show also starting this year, not to mention a dozen more things that Im working on, and Im sure my manager will be keeping me busy and out of trouble. So yes I can say my life is in a good place and I have amazing things to look forward to. Yet this festive season that we just had. I have never felt so alone in all my life.

Every year is the same for me during this time. I’ve always been alone so Im pretty use to it. But this year I don’t know what made me feel so down. I do believe happiness happens when its shared and I would of loved to of spent it with my nephews and niece, but that didn’t happen, but that wasn’t the thing that was getting me down because I know I’ll be seeing them soon enough. So what was getting me down? Knowing that 2012 is going to be a year of what I’ve been working so hard towards to achieve my goals I have set out to do. But what is it all for I keep asking myself?

Thinking back to the year that has just past, I cant help but think that it was a year of observing and planning out what my next few chapters could be for the years to come. But I cant help and take notice that, I have been finding it hard to find a common ground with people. I’ve been getting lost in conversations and find myself day dreaming. I guess I have become a bit of a nomad but in saying that I have always been one. I love the fact that I cant be tied down and I am free to be me. Im anxious and nervous of 2012, my life is about to change once again, but this time its uncharted waters. I guess those days of day dreaming are no longer relevant since reality has struck. Finding my Neverland  was never there to be found because I have always been there and living in my world that I have painted for myself. Growing up was never the case for me because living my life in slow motion is what has built me up for this new chapter in my life. Let me call it 2012!